Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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