just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
