I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
