I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
