Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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