He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize