We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
