it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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