I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
