I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
