He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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