The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
