On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
