I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
