I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
