Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
