i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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