Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
