just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
