I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
