I have demons in me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
