3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
