so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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