No stitches, just platelets and will power
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
