He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Congratulations! We have a period
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