Are we in a gay sports bar?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
