I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
birth control should be required to get into college
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
