she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize