Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize