I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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