At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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