the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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