she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
