and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
