its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
