He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
