Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
