i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
