This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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