Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize