Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
