You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize