My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
