You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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