I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
