just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
