is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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