What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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