And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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