shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
