Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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