You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
