I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
