I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize