It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we're making bets on your personal life
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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