In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
