It's like a parade of train wrecks.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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