Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
