Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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