I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
