All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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