Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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