Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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