Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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