he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
