I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
