im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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