the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My penis needs a shock collar
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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