Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
