Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
