I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
