"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
