my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
