just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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