she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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