I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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