it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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