I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
