so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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