I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
