Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
