We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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