You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
