Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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