Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize