and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
time to smoke my breakfast
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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