I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
