all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
