Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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