just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
