I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
how drunk are you?
Several
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
