Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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