I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Houston, we have a squirter
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The adults are the big ones right?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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